Log in

this is the end   
04:20pm 16/01/2004
mood: chipper
i am making a new journal: twoshadesofgrey. i do have my reasons for this.

during my first two years of livejournal junkie-dom, i used my lj basically in lieu of a written journal. and since no one i knew even knew it existed, really, i didn't bother making most of the entries private. i continued doing this all through last year before i had to stop being in denial because my lack of discretion had gotten me into really deep shit on more than one occasion.

i guess making a new journal is, in a way, unnecessary. i suppose i could go through and just completely censor this one. however, i hate my username. and there is something nice about a fresh start.

not to mention that certain people have joined the livejournal community whom i will not mention here. they don't need to see about 90% of everything i've written. plus this way i can link to myself in my AIM profile and not worry about it.

anyhow, this one will still exist, but i'm making all of the stuff i wrote in high school private and heavily censoring everything i wrote last year. i will be doing pretty much all of my updating in the new one, though i will link to this one once i finish editing it for content. i'm on may 2002 right now.

so, if you still feel like it, friend my new username, and i will friend you back. everyone i have here will continue to be on my friends list until you piss me off (Information Probation was charlie's terminology).

dear journal,

you have kept me sane for the past two and 3/4 years, but it's just not working out. i've found someone else. it's time for me to move on to a different journal. one with less history. i will always remember you fondly.

love, sara
     Read 4 - Post
01:26am 16/01/2004
mood: exhausted
we didn't go to coheed tonight because it SOLD OUT. so instead we smoked lots of pot since i'd already done my homework for tomorrow in anticipation of the show. eeecccch.

on an unrelated note....

funny how i get all emotional about talking to ****, and then when he actually gets back to me after my drunken IM to him, i don't feel anything at all.

maybe talking to him is good, because then i have the reality of how disappointing he is, as opposed to romanticizing it in my mind.

what i learned today:

when i read thomas hobbes (levithian) for social and political philosophy (mainly political) i was confused as to why we were reading these chapters about the basic nature of man and reason in relation to political philosophy. it just sounded like a bunch of ideas about the basic nature of things.

however, professor ryan said today that his theories on the nature of man lead to a hypothesis that the state of human society without a government is a state of war, because humans are naturally in a state of fear, which leads to violence. therefore, the job of the goverment is to keep people from fearing others in order to keep the peace.

i find it very interesting that michael moore basically made this exact case in bowling for columbine.

my train of thought keeps switching gears and i'm probably not making sense to anyone except for myself. good night everybody.
     Read 3 - Post
03:03am 15/01/2004
  i started talking to mitch about **** and i almost started crying in front of him and linda

i wish i could get over this, and it's not even sexual. i seriously just want to be his friend. i'm going to try and talk to him again. but it probably won't amount to anything.

this is killing me.
05:40pm 13/01/2004
mood: excited
ok so i just got my christmukkah present from minda (that'd be mitch and linda).

they got me a glass bong, and we're breaking it in tonight. you can imagine how excited i am.

however, the bong i have that is made out of plastic water bottles will always have a special place in my heart. because it is the first bong i've ever owned, and because it was made for me by a very good friend. and it is rad and hits very nicely. i need it back. damnit...forgetting your piece at your mother's house is such a dumb thing to do.
well...i'm not ALWAYS like this   
02:31pm 13/01/2004
mood: tickled
link: http://www.dieselsweeties.com/archive.php?s=862


the sky is blue

birds are chirping, somewhere

i'm happy

and i have no reason to be

let's hope this lasts.
     Read 2 - Post
08:22am 13/01/2004
mood: tired
i felt very accomplished yesterday, because i've been getting all my homework done like a good little college student despite the fact that i've smoked marijuana...let's see....five nights in a row now. but i was sitting there after the voice meeting last night, and i realized that i had forgotten to go to the damn copy shop and copy off the reading i was supposed to do for my philosophy class, which happens at 10 today.

and before anyone says anything, the pot-smoking had nothing to do with it, because i only did it after i realized i'd forgotten to copy off the reading during the day, when i was sober.

so anyway, i had a really strange night last night. i got back from the voice meeting and basically plopped down in front of the TV, which is something i rarely do. however, i wasn't there for very long before charlie barged in (without knocking-- he does that) and wanted me to come over and listen to some songs that he recorded with a friend, or something. so i listened to it. it wasn't bad, but it definitely lacked originality. it sounded like the stuff you hear all the time on radio stations like 96.5 in reno (or 94.5 here). then he wanted to listen to his original pressing of bleach (nirvana, people) on linda's turntable, so he went into our place and i went outside to smoke with laura. he came back outside, and we started talking, but she left because they just recently broke up (awkward...definitely awkward). i've heard a lot about this break-up, but it's all been from laura's perspective; however, last night charlie pulled me into his apartment and explained his side of the thing to me.

i always end up getting involved in other people's dramas. why this is, i do not know. maybe i seem like a sympathetic, non-biased person to talk to. maybe i'm just readily available. or maybe i'm just dumb for letting myself get pulled into these things.

in any case, charlie offered to smoke me out with his new bong (which, by the way, is gorgeous. it is pretty colors and has a gecko for a handle. damnit. i really want a glass bong.) after three bowls between two people, i was pretty baked. so then we started to watch the wall (the pink floyd movie, for anyone who is dense). it was absolutely brilliant. and it made so much more sense than it did the couple times i've seen it while sober. i seriously understood exactly what roger waters was doing, and i got the meaning of almost everything that went on. you could teach that film in a cinema class, i'm sure, and it would be a really interesting discussion.

if i ever get around to, uh, teaching a cinema class, i'll keep that in mind...?
you know what to do (shake it!)   
09:40pm 11/01/2004
mood: silly
things i love:

outkast, ace of base, the faint, and tori amos all included in the same mix, which was a variation of the one i sent joshua

new underwear

finishing my infohell topic proposal

marijuana, and being able to smoke it without becoming a complete nitwit

good shows coming to eugene

my mom

everyone that i knew from the dorms who were at the parties i attended this weekend

sleeping in

things that irritate me:

the brand-new dvd player that was my birthday present which must be sent in to be repaired

people who im me when they have nothing to say

not being able to find a replacement for my favorite black shoes that just broke

being ineloquent when i know that i'm smart and have good political arguments if i could just formulate a fucking sentence

being the designated stoned driver (no alcohol!)

not going to the rocky party cause i thought it might be over when, in fact, it wasn't

smoking too much

i'd write a coherent entry, but i really am not in the mood at this moment. perhaps later. the only other relevant thing i can think of is that my dear friend bryan seems to have disappeared from the internet. i think he's busy making kissy face. lol. just kidding. i love you bryan.
fifteen years gone now i still wander this parapet   
11:14am 09/01/2004
mood: accomplished
i'm in the emu computer lab right now, editing my french composition which is due in fifty-five minutes.

however, i had to mention that the decemberists are coming to eugene on the 19th. i'm really excited, because i like them a lot, and also because they're playing eugene. bands who come here always get lots of brownie points from me, because that means i don't have to drive to portland. not that it means much to them or anything, but i'm duly appreciative.

so after doing homework, i got high last night (courtesy of mitch-- <3) for what will be the last weeknight of substance use until spring break. this is probably a good thing, since i ate way too much and had a really horrifying stomachache this morning. uggggh.

also, my dad called me to tell me that the judge who decided my parents' divorce case (and made me move to arizona with my mother and her abusive asshole boyfriend against my will) has not only gotten two DUIs (one after going to rehab!), there are now hundreds of fathers whose domestic court cases he decided petitioning against him for unfair decisions and the like. i suppose there is justice in the world. stupid bastard. i still remember coming home from school, my dad sitting me down and then telling me that i had to leave my middle school and move to arizona. i also remember him reading me the letter, which said something along the lines of, "although sara would be better off with you, in a stable environment, the guilt that her mother would inflict upon her would ultimately destroy her." what a fucking jackass. i also remember that i'd told everyone i wanted to live with my father, but it didn't mean shit beacuse i was four months away from being twelve and if you're not twelve, you're basically just a pawn that the court mediators and judge can move around or sacrifice at will.

the interesting part about this is that i think the guy might be pete mcgee's dad, a guy i went to high school with and now goes to the university. but, that might not be the case. i hope it isn't, because that would be somewhat awkward if the letter my dad wrote to the reno-gazette journal gets published. in fact, maybe i'll write my own letter.

in any case, the bastard got what he deserved.
     Read 3 - Post
ideas for cd reviews   
05:38pm 08/01/2004
  brainstormed ideas for albums to review:

- transatlanticism, deathcab for cutie

- speakerboxx/the love below, outkast

- chutes too narrow, the shins

- black album, jay-z

- room on fire, the strokes

- the preacher's son, wyclef jean

- city of festivals, decibully

- dear catastrophe waitress, belle and sebastian

- hold on love, azure ray

- love is hell part 2 ep, ryan adams

- our lady of annihilation, most precious blood

- leave your name, statistics

- da unbreakables, three six mafia

- lost sides, the doves

- maryland mansions, cex

- tell balgeary, balgury is dead, ted leo

- terrorist threats, westside connection

- phantom planet, s/t

any thoughts? they need to have come out within the past three months, and i want albums that haven't been beaten to death already by music magazines.
     Read 1 - Post
so, um, yeah   
05:35pm 08/01/2004

You are Marijuana!

Laid back, dreamy, and maybe a little stinky from skipping a shower.

You rather hang out on the couch watching That 70s Show than go clubbing.

All you need is a big joint, TV, and some Twinkies covered in chocolate syrup!

What Drug Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
     Read 1 - Post
you're just a stupid girl   
03:01pm 07/01/2004
mood: geeky
i'm not getting rid of the journal. whether i want to admit it or not, i'm as addicted to this thing as i am to cigarettes, AIM, books, black eyeliner, and hair dye. however, i am going to be a lot more selective about what i make public. i'm tired of everyone constantly getting the wrong idea.

anyway, i changed my schedule. i was taking swing dance, but sadly, you have to take ballroom first. and i haven't done that. and i don't want to take a class at five in the evening when all my other classes get out by 2. so i registered for french cinema, because it's two credits, will count toward my french minor, and will be fun and cool. and it doesn't require me to make a huge asshole out of myself in front of/with people i don't know because i am the most uncoordinated person ever.

however. i'm going to take another dance class at some point. next term, perhaps.

and i'm off to the post office to pick up my mail and my records.

anyone know where i can get a decent turntable in eugene for relatively cheap?
     Read 1 - Post
by the way   
07:36pm 06/01/2004
mood: pretty fucking shitty
so, um, that last entry was mitch. not me. just so everyone knows.

i've had this journal for almost three years now and this is the...third or fourth time it's been a pain in the ass because i can't be honest in it without someone either:

a) getting pissed off at me,

b) finding out something i didn't wan them to know, or

c) thinking i'm an elitist, snobby, negative, pessimistic, caustic, opinionated bitch. who needs counseling.

maybe i'm just being melodramatic, but i've never felt quite so lonely in my life. i just have a really hard time finding friends that i can talk to, that i feel can understand what i'm saying without judging me or misunderstanding me, around whom i can be myself and say what i'm thinking without being accused of negativity or pessimism. i do honestly believe that jill is the only person who has always gotten it, 100% of the time-- even when she makes fun of me. without her i would probably go crazy from loneliness and fear and confusion and basic, garden-variety teen angst.

the thing is, i'm not actually depressed. despite all of my cynicism, i still somehow manage to have hope for the future and believe that life really is beautiful, people really can be good, and that someday i'll figure out how to be happy and stop analyzing everything to death. but i forget that sometimes. and i think that when i do, my thoughts are often too sordid for everyone else to read without misunderstanding.

okay, that was bad. i feel like some kind of ridiculously cheesy anne frank. but i really meant it. so if you don't see anything else from me for a few days, assume that i just made my journal completely private so that no one else gets the wrong idea. or, maybe i'll decide that i'm going to continue screening my entires much the same as i have been, and anyone who doesn't like what i have to say can go fuck themselves.

     Read 7 - Post
Mitch, the coolest   
03:59pm 06/01/2004
  Mitch is my roomate's boyfriend. He is the coolest guy I know. He is cooler than everyone else combined, even! Man, he is so cool. I am not even cool in comparison to him. Wow. I am so emo with my black hair. SO so emo. And Mitch is so so cool. Yeah.  
     Read 1 - Post
sometimes i feel like i'm the only person in the room who regularly uses their brain   
05:12pm 05/01/2004
mood: irritated
the first day of the term wasn't too bad. the only bad part about it was locking myself out of the house and losing my keys. and the death of my social life will officially occur starting in the next seven days. sighhhh.

anyhow, in my quest to kill time i purchased:

elliott smith s/t LP

morissey- your arsenal

snoopy thank you notes


a little fat notebook so i can write down everything i have to do and all of the thoughts i have when i have them so nothing gets lost


i also almost purchased this awesome 60s vintage jacket that was blue and rad. it was the coolest thing i've ever seen, and it was just a little bit too small. it was depressing.

on to more serious matters. i think it's dumb when people feel the need to blatantly advertise certain personal beliefs by wearing buttons, or brand names, or drawing Xs on your hands, or whatever. it's not that i hate everyone who does this. i know that people are just trying to create an identity, and there is nothing wrong with that. however, advertising your personal politics, your religion, or your views on drugs (or lack thereof) just seems really dumb to me when i think about it. it's just another form of labeling, except you're doing it to yourself. i can't get too pissed off, because it's not like i don't do this, because i wear band shirts, dye my hair, and pierce my face. by doing these things, i am categorizing myself, and i have accepted that.

i guess it just bugs me when people advertise some personal belief on themselves, and then you talk to them about it and find out that they have no idea what they're talking about. for example, drawing Xs on your hands when your only reason for doing so is, 'it's just a thing kids do.' (note: i am not straight-edge, and even i know that the marker Xs come from when underage kids went to shows in DC and they got marked so that no one would serve them drinks.) it's the same thing for someone who wears a band shirt and has only heard three songs by the band. basically, if you're going to advertise something, know what the fuck you're talking about. otherwise you're just the product of somebody else's brainwashing techniques.

this concludes my rant of the day.
     Read 2 - Post
12:03am 05/01/2004
mood: sleepy
once again, i would really like to talk about the past week.

however, 4 hours of sleep and almost 9 hours in the car later, i am just not in the mood.

i can't believe i have to go to class tomorrow. i can't believe i'm back in eugene. i was in my bed at home less than 24 hours ago. now i'm here and i have to go to class tomorrow.

i really think the only constant in my life is the cat, who is sitting next to me, and bryan, who i am talking to on AIM.

i wish he was sitting next to me, too. sigh.

i saw bad santa last night for free with chris, arlene, lewis, and dominique (chris' friends). i'm glad it was free (and that i was high) because man, was it a horrible movie. however, it was really funny BECAUSE it was so bad (how to deal, anyone?), unless that was stoner sara talking, as opposed to jay sherman sara. then i drank at chris' friend dominique's house, and then he came home with me.

i should've gone to reno first and then gone to my dad's. except i wouldn't have gone to my dad's, cause i would've wanted to stay in nevada. fucking a.

i can't say that it's not cool to be back. i like chilling in my own place and not worrying about waking my mom up if i stay up past 10.

i still miss everyone a lot, though. and remember that when you're looking at a place from a distance, it looks a lot better than it does close up, because you can see the flaws then. that was my pearl of wisdom for the evening.

i'm too tired to think and i still have bags to carry upstairs. fuck fuck fuck

maybe if i have insomnia i'll write more later.
and maybe that's what it takes when comparing your bellyaches   
06:55pm 03/01/2004
mood: sad
i really, really, really do not want to go back to eugene.

i'm not sure whether to attach a "yet" onto the end of that or not. when i come back here, it feels like everything involving oregon and the past year and a half just kind of fades. i could give it up so easily, because honestly, there are only a few people i'd really miss. a lot of the people i became good friends with last year either aren't there anymore or aren't my friend anymore, for whatever reason. there isn't much keeping me in eugene, really. i know that. but i have to wonder whether it'd be worth it to start over and go through all of the hard things that go along with being the new girl again, or if i should stay where i am, make the best of it, and possibly deal with boredom, loneliness, and the heartache that comes from staying in a place where you're not really happy.

for the first time in my life, i can really do whatever the fuck i want. i guess i could have done that before, but i think that it's only now that i'm brave enough to act on the options that i have.

god damnit. i hate this. i get this feeling every fucking time i leave reno. it's not that it's the city, because for its size, reno's gaudiness and general lack of culture kills me. nights like my birthday (i swear i'll update and talk about that soon!) are few and far between. i know that coming back here isn't an option for me, because two of the people i miss the most don't live here anymore, either. but i do need something-- some change, something to keep me going and keep me interested in my life. i know that i am the only person who's going to make myself happy. and i'm not sixteen anymore-- the only thing that's going to happen to me is that i'm going to get older, and time isn't going to go any slower, and it scares the hell out of me to know that one day i'm going to look in the mirror and realize that i have already used up my youth.

the most scary part is how i am already thinking about this, at fucking nineteen. hopefully i will gain some wisdom in my old age, if i get there without going crazy or dying in some freak accident.

ps. i'm sorry if i don't sound bright and happy enough for some of you in recent entries, but please don't comment on how i've sounded really down lately, because i am tired of hearing that. i have a great, (albeit sometimes dysfunctional and non-communicative) family, incredible friends, i'm smart, i'm somewhat cool (but in a nerdy way), i'm in college, i have money, and i have a lot going for me. i know all of these things. that does not mean that i'm not allowed some residual teenage angst to vent in my journal. now i can go out and spend my last night in reno happy because i am no longer thinking about the things that are bothering me. cheers!

love, sara
     Read 3 - Post
don't feel obligated to read this part I   
08:21pm 01/01/2004
mood: bored
in the past 24 hours, i have listened to these albums:

snoop dogg- tha doggfather

interpol-- turn on your bright lights

the shins-- chutes too narrow

the smiths-- louder than bombs

the eels-- electric shock blues

neko case-- blacklisted

newfound glory-- s/t

rival schools-- united by fate

this definitely says something about my musical tastes....whether that's good or bad, i'm not sure.

anyhow, i've tried to update about seventy million times (or three), but like i said in my love letter to livejournal, the more i have to say, the harder it is to start. then i leave things out and i'm like, 'shit!' for example, that i went to see 'elf' with jessica and her family on christmas day. so, prepare yourselves for a really long entry. this has been a very eventful past few days, what with birthday and new years celebrations and getting people to try pot and making out and running into people i haven't seen in a while. so without further ado:

friday night-- met angeli and bryan at amy's place. i only saw amy for, like, twenty minutes total, and then she kicked the three of us out because she had to run errands and pack for her flight to kansas city the next morning. this complicated our original plans to smoke pot on her 22nd floor balcony, so for lack of a better plan, bryan, angeli and i went down by the truckee river and smoked a bowl almost in the middle of downtown. i was really concerned that someone (a cop, for example) would harass us, but nobody did. so bryan and i were high and wanted to walk to pneumatic, which is really close to amy and jess', because we're dumb like that. however, it was closing, and our excessive paranoia made us too polite to eat there even though the woman (the owner, possibly?) said that she would let us in. i don't like being the last person in a restaurant and having everyone on staff give you the 'hurry the fuck up up i want to go home' stare. or, you know, spit in my food.

so, we decided to walk to deux gros nez. this was not the most intelligent idea ever, but it was kind of fun. i remember being the perfect level of stoned-- high enough so that i was enjoying myself, but not so baked that i couldn't function. halfway through dinner, i went to the downstairs of the deux to use the facilities (i have a tendency to forget that i have to pee when i'm high, until i have to go REALLY bad) and there were two guys playing guitar in the little bar down there that they never use except for the beer tap. one of the guys was really hot, blonde, and intelligent-hipster looking. i'd noticed him earlier. the other was a darker guy who was probably old enough to be my father, with gross clothes, a filthy baseball cap, and a bunch of missing teeth. however, they were both amazing guitarists. but, as is constantly the case, it was the toothless guy who decided to talk to me. i could write a screenplay.
stage right is a staircase, which leads into a small room. also stage right is a bar. stage left, there is a table, and in-between this table are two men playing guitar. just past them is a hallway in which there are bathrooms. the girl is high and trying to reach the bathrooms, but someone hinders her progress. one of the men...well, we described them already.

toothless: (abruptly to girl) you are gorgeous.
ethnic: ummm...thanks. (appear deep in thought as if trying to figure out a way to walk past the dude to the bathroom without being rude)
toothless: i mean, you're just totally ethnic, with the hair and the (gesture in the air as if tracing a woman's body)
ethnic: (laughs a little, like she really just wants to leave) well, thank you, i suppose. (decides to be rude and goes to the bathroom. the whole time, the attractive blonde boy has just been playing his guitar and avoiding girl's eyes.)
we follow sara to the bathroom, where she has just finished taking a piss and is staring into the mirror hoping that the guys have left. they have not.
toothless: do you go to open mike nights?
ethnic: sometimes....
toothless: because they have them here on sunday nights, and other places, and i normally don't like to play in public, but i'd play for you. (brief pause, in which he looks into ethnic's eyes, which should be darting all over the place like a trapped mouse) i wish i could take you away from the people you're with so that i could play for you all night long.
ethnic: (catches the innuendo) oh. (thinks, 'fuck being rude' and elbows past the two dudes)
ethnic: see you! (over her shoulder as she marches quickly up the stairs)

this really isn't that interesting. the only reasons i included this stupid story at all are because:

1) the only guys who ever hit on me, or even talk to me, when i'm out in public have at least two or more of the following traits:
- homelessness
- weight problems (one way or the other)
- excess years of life
- lack of teeth in central locations
- lack of hair
- lack of personal hygiene
- lack of personality

2) this happened to me again two days later in the same place, except with a different guy (more on that later)

3) i thought the innuendo he used was super hilarious

4) one of my new years resolutions is to write down all the events and conversations i find important in better detail, because good writers need to be good observers of human behavior.

anyway, after we left deux gros nez, we drove to sam's. i was still somewhat stoned, so i took side streets and it took twice as long. we hung out for a while, and then bryan suggested that we smoke more pot. so we went into sam's bedroom and sat on the floor with the sliding door open. BRYAN AND I GOT SAM TO SMOKE POT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. mua ha ha. i have never seen anyone cough so much, though. he took a tiny hit, and he started hacking, but it didn't affect him...or so he says. however, he did eat a whole lot, and angeli was exactly the same.

nothing else was that interesting about the evening, except that everyone should see this: http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf

and sam's sister had three guys over who were talking about bright eyes, one of them was wearing a granddaddy shirt, and i was really intimidated by them because i was really paranoid.

saturday night-- ironically enough, this was the most uneventful evening we had. rosa, jen h., jessica, and melissa f. came over to say hi, and stayed for an hour or two. sam left early because he didn't feel good. cory was passing out the whole night, but didnt' leave until 4 in the morning. the rest of us got toasty and passed out at my house. matt was cuddling with angeli and looked totally ecstatic. i was stoned and drunk and flirting with everyone. jessica told me to make out with alex, which sounded like a good plan until he got really drunk and started being obnoxious. he wouldn't stop talking (in an irish accent, no less), he kept repeating himself so that whatever he said was boring, and he kept insisting that he wasn't drunk when in fact he could barely hold himself up and he'd had an allergic reaction to the alcohol, which made his fair skin turn bright red under his blonde hair, which made him vaguely resemble a tomato. with blonde hair. also, he followed me around for a while. it was irritating. jill saved me about five times from certain boredom/doom/possible mouth rape.

(outside smoking in irish accent)
me: (sits down in one of, like, eight chairs)
alex: (plops down in the one closest to me) can i have a cigarette?
me: sure! (hands boy a cigarette and lighter)
alex: (in an irish accent, started by yours truly) i am not irish, lass. i can speak in an accent, but i'm not irish. why is my face blotchy? it's never happened before when i've drank. i'm really pissed off.

or something like that. i wasn't really paying attention because i was terrified that he was going to swat me in the face with his cigarette, which he was waving animatedly in my face. i seriously thought he was going to burn my forehead or something. so i moved. then a ten-minute-long litany of "why are you afraid of me, lass? why are you afraid of me? are you afraid of me? why are you afraid of me, lass?" but everytime i'd try to answer him, he'd just interrupt me with the same question. it was quite frustrating. luckily,
josh and carlos came outside to rescue me (thanks jill!). and that was the end of that. alex passed out sitting up in a chair within an hour.

*editors note: alex is actually a really nice guy. just not when he's had a fifth of jack + lots of beer.

by three in the morning, all of the chicks had told each other how much we loved each other about five thousand times, i'd been flirting hardcore with half the boys there and gotten NO ASS (this is including josh), and josh, jill, carlos and i were the only ones still awake. bryan, jason, alex, and cory had all passed out on the couches, and angeli and matt had gone to bed. then josh mentioned that he wasn't stoned anymore. so we smoked two bowls out of my bryan-made bong. everyone else seemed about ten times as high as i was. we ran around and had munchies until five or so, then tried to cram four people in my bed, which did not work out because jill and carlos are bed hogs. everyone took off by 10, and i spent sunday (the day) watching gone with the wind and sleeping.

i should also mention that my mother and stepfather were home during this party and all parties that have happened at my house over this particular break. they walked in around twelve to see the unreal amounts of food she'd arranged for us totally destroyed and consumed, empty glasses and bottles everywhere, five fifths of various booze varieties, a ton of beer, a handle of THEIR vodka on the counter, and a bunch of drunk people standing in her kitchen listening to loud music. the worst part, however, was that i was sitting outside smoking pot with bryan, jason, and cory when they walked in. it's not like they didn't condone this party-- i told them there would be drinking there, and my mom even told me not to let anyone drive. however, i don't think she really knows how much pot i smoke. then again, maybe she does.

to be continued. i need cigarettes before i can keep marathon writing. i've already been sitting here for almost an hour.
     Read 1 - Post
i love you   
01:10pm 31/12/2003
mood: sleepy
dear livejournal,

sorry i've been neglecting you the past couple of days. you've always been here for me, and lately i've been too busy to appreciate you. it's not your fault-- it's just that the more that happens, the less i post, and the less that happens, the more i post. i promise to try and be more committed to our relationship in the future, and that we will have a real date soon. thanks for understanding.

love, sara
     Read 2 - Post
shake it like a polaroid picture   
03:13am 26/12/2003
mood: cheerful
christmas wasn't as fun this year.

it's just not as cool to be in a house where no one believes in santa. plus, i guess i'm getting old because everything i got for christmas from my mom and stepdad was sensible-- clothes, socks, chewing gum (hint hint?), a TON of bath stuff, and kitchen towels. this is not bad. i can use these things. it's just weird not to be getting toys and fun things anymore. i'm pretty easy to shop for, too. the coolest presents i have received were a purse handmade out of a cigar box, the homemade bong that bryan made me <3, and two cool scarves purchased for me by jill. however, i at least liked everything my mom got me, and i will use it all. which is better than many past christmases. plus i think all of my gifts were successful, which is much more important.

christmas dinner was fun, too. dinner conversation with a doctor, a really shy, conservative JCPenney's manager, and a PA (physician's assistant-- step up from a nurse, basically) could only be amusing. i guess after you've been staring into people's inner orifices, treating VDs, and listening to people tell you more than you ever wanted to know about their bodily functions makes you hard to shock.

then me, bryan, sam, jason, alex, jill, and carlos all made a valiant attempt at sledding in jill's neighborhood. sadly, there wasn't enough snow for us to sled the good hills, so it was a bit of a failure. instead we got in a mammoth snowball fight. jill and i cannot throw. at all. which meant that by the time we went back to the house for food and hot chocolate, i was soaked, my hair was pretty much white from all the ice stuck in it, and i have at least one monster bruise on my leg from the ice balls bryan, alex, and jason were chucking at the rest of us. it was entertaining. then i hung out at bryan's house with the aforementioned trio until we all were about to pass out. now i'm home. and awake because we had espresso at 1 AM. eeeek.

and finally... my birthday is in two days. hurrah!
i'm bored   
11:54pm 24/12/2003
  this has been an enlightening evening. apparently i'm a gangsta bitch barbie, i'm mysterious, intellectual, resemble storm from the x-men, and i like sex.

holy shit, tell me something i didn't already know. hurray for quizilla. also, there is a quiz called, 'which b2k member is your babydaddy?'

riiight. people never cease to amaze me with their...stupidity. let's just say stupidity.